Posted on | April 28, 2011 | 2 Comments
I’ve never done so much writing in my life, and somehow none of it has gotten here, where I want to see it the most. A whole semester of food writing class, and I haven’t been able to make a single post. I really shouldn’t even be posting now. God knows I have more than enough papers to write for next week along with copyediting for Cineaste. But my final semester at Rider is coming to a close. I have my cap and gown sitting in my closet, and two weeks from tomorrow I’ll be receiving my diploma. A B.A. in English Literature. Magna Cum Laude–not Suma thanks to sociological imagination. Today was my last day of class, my last day of work over at Grad Ed. Yesterday was my last day of food writing and Dr. Goldie.
I’m stuck. My brain is telling me to get my work done. The sooner I get my work done, the sooner I can get home, the sooner I can take a breath. College has always been a race for me, where the finish line is that moment when I walk into my house and hug my mom as tightly as I possibly can. She doesn’t know this, but I cry just a tiny bit every time I make it to that finish line, just enough so that a tear just quivers on my eyelid before I pull myself back together and straighten my spine again.
But there’s another part of me that says to stay here, to cherish every moment we have left before we don the caps and gowns we’ve stowed away, out of sight. I feel nauseous and woozy, thinking that I won’t see my girls as often as I do now. These are the people who healed me when I felt so alone on this campus, so sick and miserable with the gluten contamination from the dining hall. They’re the people I’ll be most proud to see succeed after leaving Rider, the ones that will reduce me to uncharacteristic tears as they walk at commencement. The ones I’ll miss the most.
I’m sorry I stopped sharing my life with all of you, who also healed me by accepting me into this community of gluten-free bloggers and, most importantly, gluten-free eaters. I can’t tell you how quickly the past four months have gone, a semester that sometimes seemed as though it would never end, gone in a whirlwind of paper and ink.
I’m sorry that my mind wasn’t always on food. I don’t have any pictures or recipes to share with you now. But I will. For now, I can only share this semester’s best memory: the senior ball. I can tell you that I ate salmon with potatoes and green beans and a Caesar salad. But the night wasn’t about the food. It was about the girls sitting at the table with me.
P.S. The lovely photos were taken by the equally lovely Rachel Gouk. <3